a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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