she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize