Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
