He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
