The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
