He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
