MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
