I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
