im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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