I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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