The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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