Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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