Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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