am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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