You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
