I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
