That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
