I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
