I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize