There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
