maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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