The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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