Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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