Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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