Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
