Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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