Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
