the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
