Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
