Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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