Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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