Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
