omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize