How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Boobs are out for the taking
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
