I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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