he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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