Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
