If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
