I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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