on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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