he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
