Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize