i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
