NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
