Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
