i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
