My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
