Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We left the knife in your bed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
