I look better un-naked...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
