shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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