So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
