I skipped work to stalk him.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize