I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
only you would photoshop your dick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
