i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
