Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
