I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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