Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
