you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My hand turned me down
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
