It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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