There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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