Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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