Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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