At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
