but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if only i could text you this smell
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i think my cat just said my name.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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