You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
