between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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