what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
