nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
