Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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