I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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