I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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