im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
