Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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