Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
