so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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