You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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