I think i peed on brittanys purse
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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