I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
