he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
