rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize