I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize