am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
