why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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