i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
