i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize