he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
