i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
