today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm always down for nudity.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
