Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
