I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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