you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
