ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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