well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
