i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize