8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
