An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
