I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
