you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
