At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
